Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
