I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
