He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
