Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
