This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
