I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
