i think my mom watched the whole time
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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