That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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