Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's like heaven, but drunker
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
