i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
