how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
