dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
