I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
