So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
from now on my penis is your penis
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
