I just pynch a tree in the face
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
