We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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