dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
fuck your aforementioned shoe
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Where are you guys?
Drunk
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
