it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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