Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the condom got lost in my hair
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
