Will you blow on my dice?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
