HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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