You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
me + whiskey = a bad person
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
