I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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