I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
