If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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