we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
