I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
