My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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