And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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