apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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