soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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