I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
