So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
