You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
