Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I party with great urgency now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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