there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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