It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
