do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
