my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
