It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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