Duck Duck Cougar?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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