did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I CAN MOONWALK!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
