Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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