I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
