and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
