i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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