Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
