If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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