pop tarts are not kleenex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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