You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
