What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
