my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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