Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
