Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
